September 9, 2009

Do you have pets?

I have two.  Both are Snowshoe Siamese cats.  In August of 2005 my wife, “V”, and I had zero pets, and we wanted to keep it that way.  You see, we had two other cats and three dogs along with two teenagers.  Geez, what a crowd – surrounded by critters with four and two legs and all with robust appetites…  Unfortunately, the cats and dogs died from old age and infirmities over a period of several years.  (The cats were 18 and 19 when they died.)  V and I decided NOT to acquire another furry family member.  We had had quite enough of dealing with the death of pets.  Waaay too hard!

My youngest, in the Army and stationed at Ft. Bragg, decided to acquire his own family member (other than a new wife) just before being transferred to Germany.  Nice, Huh?!  Gosh, Mom, can I leave Chauncey with you guys since I can’t have pets in the barracks?  (His wife was also in the Army and was transferred to the same unit.  Had to live in a hotel until base housing could be arranged.)  Well, what do you think Mom said?  Yep, “Sure, Honey, she can live with us till you get back.”  Yeah, right, we’re gonna keep her for a couple of years and then give her back.  Whatever…  Well, according to Mom we can’t have just one cat – she might get lonely…  God save me from lonely kitties!

Off we go to the Denver Dumb Friends League to find a friend for our newly acquired lonely kitten.  Sure enough, Mom finds another Snowshoe Siamese kitten about the same age as Chauncey.  The deal is done even before my son and his wife leave for Germany.

Well, Chauncey, meet your new sister, Chloe.  Chole and Chauncey get along famously, romping about the house and letting it be known that we would be allowed to stay in the house as hired help.

Chloe’s name lasted less than two days.  We should have known something was up just because she has a dark mask around her eyes.  She was and is a Bandit!  Cotton-pickin’ little thief!!!  She’d even try to steal stuff out of your hands.  This little thief is also very loving.  She snuggles under your chin and gives kisses (and bites).  She LOVES whiskers.  She also loves to lie in your lap and take days long kitty naps – no movement allowed, No Sir!  Little did we know this was just the beginning.

Turns out sweet little Bandit is also a trained Ninja who attacks without reason or provocation!  Movement of any body part during aforementioned kitty nap results in a Ninja attack on arms, hands and any area within paw length.  If you looked at my hands and arms you would think I worked in a barbwire factory checking the barbs clinging ability.  Dang, that cat has sharp claws and needles for teeth!

Fast forward four years:  Chauncey is a svelte 20lbs or more, though, you wouldn’t think so by the way she rushes hither and yon about the house.  She could challenge a Cheetah on a quarter mile track!  Bandit is four pounds, give or take three ounces.  She has only added to her crazy Ninja skills.  She stalks me wherever I go.  Attacking from areas where I will smack a finger or an elbow trying to wrestle with her.  Have you ever tried to wrestle a Ninja without the proper training?  She has learned to lull attention-givers with cries of “pay attention, I need love” utilizing cute poses all the while planning how best to attack the love-giver.

Of course, she has found a way into my heart, as has Chauncey.  I’ll never learn to say “No” and mean it.  No son, you may not have your cat back.  You can have them both when I’m taking a dirt nap.  Did I mention the proliferation of cat hair?  No?  Well that will be for another day.

Honey, did you get another case of band aids at the store?  I could use a dozen or so.


Published in: on September 9, 2009 at 1:58 pm  Leave a Comment  
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